He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
