Already got asked if we're dating
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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