Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
