Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
