Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
