I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He shit in the fireplace
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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