Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize