I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
