is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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