i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
