Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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