i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
