He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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