i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
