Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
