You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Text me some of your sweat
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