Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
