I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize