I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
