doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
