I wannas sexs uuuuu
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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