I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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