When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
