I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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