he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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