I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
