i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
