I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
