I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
