I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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