Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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