I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
