Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
