It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
