You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
