it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
