My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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