I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
