There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
