I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize