And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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