My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
The air taste purple.
Randomize
