Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Porn is love you can see.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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