Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize