We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
