He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
