Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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