She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
