Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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