I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
