Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize