I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
