If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
