Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
