just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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