You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Is her dick bigger than yours?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
