I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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