i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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