Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
