I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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