I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
