God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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