you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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