hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
