Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
