i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Thank you for not boning my boss.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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