Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
