Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize