Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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