Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize