Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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