There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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