My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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