Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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